The shock, the tragedy of suicide.

The shock, the tragedy of suicide.

I think we’ve all been touched by suicide. When I hear the news that someone has chosen to take their own life, for me, it’s a sharp intake of breath, and a feeling in my heart of how shocking such tragic news is, followed by the eternal question of “why”?

As a funeral director, and as a fellow human being, I have seen too many suicides and the impact it has. The thing is, we just never know, we never know what other people are going through, we never know how they are feeling deep inside themselves. When I was 14, a classmate took their own life and no one would talk about it, which is a dreadful and confusing thing to a young teenager.

It’s my experience that most suicides seemingly “come out of the blue” and it’s a total shock to everyone. Once a person makes that final choice, unless we are there, on the spot, there is little we can do, and there is no one to blame as it was that person’s choice. Suicide happens all across society, and at all ages, and its impact is the same to the people left behind wherever it happens.

Which is why it’s so, so, important to keep having meaningful conversations with family and friends. Not just the every day, surface-level stuff, but conversations about things that really matter, because it really is about life and death. Developing trust in your relationships where people don’t feel judged, but instead feel loved and supported is key. It can be helpful to ask people “not to take irreversible action when they’re at their lowest.”

I like that actually, because staying safe right now is a temporary solution to a more permanent problem. It recognises that we need to help people get through this moment, and that if we keep doing that, the future will turn out okay, one step at a time.

But really, just do your best to be direct in listening about suicide. Avoid catchphrases and pat advice, and just listen.

As human beings, we tend to torture ourselves with the “if only’s” – if only I had done this, or that, they may not have taken their life, etc, etc. Self-reflection at such a time is natural but can be a big lesson in our own life on how to be a better person, not as a way to beat ourselves up.

I like to practice “If you can be anything, be kind”, because it can make a huge difference in someone’s life.

According to studies, family members of suicide victims are at increased risk for physical diseases such as pain, cardiovascular diseases, and cancer. They suffer significant complicated grief due to stigmatisation, guilt, responsibility, shame, and rejection. Moreover, they experience symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with an increased risk of psychiatric hospitalisation. Friends can also suffer similar issues.

Not everyone has someone that they feel they can talk to and thankfully there are websites to go to and numbers to call, such as Suicide Prevention Australia: https://www.suicidepreventionaust.org/, the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 and Lifeline on 13 11 14.

There is also Grief Australia https://www.grief.org.au/ who can help you through all kinds of grief.

Please, take care of each other.

Lauren Newman, End of Life Doula, Funeral Director & Celebrant, JP

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