This funeral director wants to talk about the ultimate taboo

This funeral director wants to talk about the ultimate taboo

By Tim Grey (Bay Post) 12 February 2025

Most Australians don't want to talk about death. Lauren Newman talks about it every day.

As a funeral director and end-of-life doula at Tree of Life Funerals, Ms Newman's whole occupation was to help others come to terms with dying.

"Our society is traditionally death-phobic and doesn't want to talk about it," she said.

"And I know that lack of education and knowledge about this subject can cause fear, because it's a fear of the unknown."

The way to dispel that fear, according to Ms Newman, was to share it with your community.

"Many years ago, when people lived in smaller communities people would die at home," she said.

"There were always people who would help you through the death process, priests or ministers or women to help transition you through those major times of your life, and that's gone."

That role had now fallen to people like Ms Newman, who walked families through all the uncomfortable steps of death: certifying medical documentation, transporting bodies, organising venues and flowers, printing booklets and composing slideshows, and arranging the burial or cremation.

"Every death is different, like every person is different," she said.

"I always go and see the family, and I always make sure I go and visit them in their home to see some photos of the person, so I can know who we're talking about."

A former nurse at Westmead Hospital, Ms Newman had come to terms with death early on, though she was never desensitised to it.

"I've always had very strong spiritual beliefs. And I fully believe that our spirit goes on," she said.

"So that basically allows me to do the work that I do, because I have that surety within myself that this is the vessel, this is the body, that the soul has left, that we have to honour that vessel, and that we have to honour that spirit as well."

As an end-of-life doula, Ms Newman helped those with terminal conditions navigate through their final days, ensuring they approached the experience in comfort and tranquility.

"Helping someone through those last moments of their life and just providing as much comfort as possible because dying well in peace and without fear is so important," she said.

"That's what I wanted to change in so many ways, was to bring the person into the service and to sort of wrap your arms around the family too and allow them to properly grieve."

Ms Newman was also a proponent of environmentally friendly funerals and encouraged families to forgo the wasteful and toxic materials found in a traditional coffin, which was often burned immediately.

Instead, she advised the bereaved to consider a simple cardboard version, or hand-woven wicker baskets, both entirely biodegradable.

"A lot of the old traditional funeral thing is that you spend up big, buy a fancy coffin to show how much you love your deceased person," she said.

"But your love of your person is shown by all the effort you're making now to ensure that you say goodbye to them in a loving way."

For those who were curious about the subject of dying, Ms Newman was running regular 'death cafes', where attendees could freely discuss the taboo.

"I think it's so important to acknowledge human pain and the conditions that bring that about," she said.

"It could very well reduce those conditions by talking about it, and not making it so fearful, not making it so closed again."

Ultimately, Ms Newman hoped to bring a gentle acceptance to an event affecting all of us.

"It's about accepting that our life is finite," she said.

"And we're not immortal."

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