We’re all just walking each other home.

We’re all just walking each other home.

As a Funeral Director, Celebrant, and end of life worker, I’ve spoken to many people who are either coming to the end of their lives or are the family and friends of those who have died recently.

People often speak of regrets, but mostly it’s about celebrating the life that’s been lived.

For years now, I have been working for my community here in Batemans Bay and surrounds in the end of life arena. I have held public talks, held events to chat about all things death and dying, educated people as much as I could.I also created Tree of Life Funerals as I wanted to provide an alternative to the single option for funerals already on offer in the Eurobodalla. I wanted to provide my own version of compassionate, genuine, heart-felt end of life and funeral services to my community. I also wanted to provide eco-friendly and person-friendly services as well as supplying coffins at very reasonable prices without huge mark-ups.

I’ve also supported the development of Walawaani Way Conservation Burial in Bodalla which provides the most beautiful final resting place with natural burials, surrounded by trees, and which was built with love and dedication by the wonderful Fiona McCuaig.

I built up my funeral business with the loving support of my husband. I have developed friendships along the way, friendships with other celebrants, and other lovely people who share my values.

I took on people to work with me and invested a lot of time, money, and a lot of myself into them and their training only for them to fall away as they didn’t really understand how complex it can be to be a funeral director, or life interrupted their plans, but it was what it was and I carried on.

Along this journey, I forgot to look after myself, I forgot about celebrating my own life and I ended up suffering as a result.

I forgot that I needed care as much as anyone.

Since early 2020, I have lived through not only the Covid period like the rest of us, but the early sudden death of my dear cousin who left behind a young widow and their 14 year old daughter, the death of a close childhood friend of my husband’s and all that entails, moving down to the south coast, semi-retiring, starting a business, receiving the heart-breaking news that a very close friend had received a terminal diagnosis with stage four cancer, having my mother-in-law die in her aged care home in Canberra, dealing with the issues around my 90-plus year old mother in Newcastle, her falls, hospital visits, selling her house, placing her in an aged care home in Newcastle near my older sibling, and most recently, seeing my brother on life support in Moruya Hospital after he suffered a massive bleed on the brain while he was at work and not knowing what his future would be as he was evacuated to Canberra hospital.

And then, to top it all off, I came down with an appalling case of shingles, tore the rotator cuff in my right shoulder and was in pain, physically and emotionally, and still had to provide the funerals I loved providing and continue to give of myself during it all.

Thankfully, my partners in business, Picaluna Funerals, stepped up and sent people to me to help me through what was one of the most awful times of my life and we all succeeded in providing beautiful services.

Of course, I didn’t take the time to heal properly and my outlook on life dimmed and I forgot to fully live my own life as I felt burdened by everything I felt I was carrying.

Then, I saw on Facebook that a beautiful friend of mine was holding a women’s spiritual retreat in Bali and I knew I had to go. In the lead up to August this year, I felt my spirits lift as I had that wonderful experience to look forward to.

I took the decision to shut Tree of Life Funerals while I was away so I could totally relieve myself of the mental and emotional attachment to having others run services when I wasn’t here and to immerse myself in the wonderful Bali retreat.

For the first time in four years, I took a complete break.

I returned refreshed, renewed, and feeling much more at peace with my life and life’s circumstances. I’ve also renewed my promise to myself to look after me and to get out there and enjoy life so much more, just like I advise everyone else to do!

It’s like the old joke about the plumber having leaky taps, we forget about our own needs close to home.

So, the moral of all this is, simply, remember to live your life, to enjoy your life, and there’s no need to sacrifice your own health and wellbeing just to get through life’s circumstances and to meet your obligations.

Also, don’t be afraid to put your hand up and ask for help as I did, eventually. This was a big lesson for me, I don’t have to do everything on my own and I can rely on others.

We are all fragile human beings who need other people, even funeral directors!

I have been filled with gratitude and love for the people who came forward to help me during these dark times and I’m now strong enough to properly support others through some of their dark and stressful times whether it’s coming to end of life or for when someone they love has died. I am also more able to be involved with my family and friends and my volunteering with the Batemans Bay Lions Club.

To me, to grow as a human being means living your life on your own terms, to develop rich and meaningful connections to others, to your community, to show care and compassion, and to stand up for your values. It’s not easy, and life doesn’t come with guarantees and we all have to roll with the punches, so to speak.

I’ve remembered that how we experience our life depends a great deal on our attitude and what we focus on. It’s so hard when we have what feels like an avalanche of terrible things falling upon us to keep a good attitude, but I have discovered that our attitude is the key to happiness, that and gratitude, and I am very grateful for my life, even the “bad” bits, particularly the bad bits actually, as they make the sweet times of life so much sweeter, if you choose to make it so.

Soon, I’m going to put the call out for a couple of special people to come and work with Picaluna Funerals and myself with Tree of Life Funerals so we can all continue to provide the love and support for people during the death of someone they care about and to continue to provide even more understanding and compassion and beautiful, heart-felt funerals to our community.

In the meantime, if you or someone you love is in need of end of life or funeral services, please contact Tree of Life Funerals because myself and my colleagues are here for you.

As Ram Dass, a favourite spiritual leader of mine said, “We’re all just walking each other home”.

Lauren Newman

Funeral Director, Celebrant

End of Life Doula, JP

‍www.treeoflifefunerals.com.au